On this episode of Asian Women of Power, join Kimchi Chow as she delves into the topic of "How to Contribute to the Family." Kimchi discusses the importance of adjusting expectations and finding new ways to contribute when financial circumstances change. Seeking professional help, from a therapist, coach, or financial advisor, as a beneficial step towards developing a healthier relationship with money. Kimchi emphasizes the significance of both financial and emotional contributions in a relationship and encourages listeners to remember the positive aspects of their partners and the reasons for being together. Money is seen as a tool rather than a source of power.
Listeners are encouraged to explore other valuable ways to contribute to their families beyond money, such as taking care of children, cooking, cleaning, and running errands. Overcoming power shifts is discussed as a possibility, leading to a strong and healthy relationship. Kimchi also delves into the unique challenges faced by those who work for themselves, highlighting the importance of shifting perspectives about money and power when growing a business.
Redefining what it means to contribute to a household and ensuring awareness and appreciation of each other's contributions within the partnership are also emphasized. Kimchi advises listeners to talk openly with their spouses about their values and feelings in a relationship, as well as how both partners can contribute to important aspects like financial security, emotional support, and shared values. The episode provides practical tips on how to navigate financial changes and stresses the need for honest communication and support.
Join Kimchi Chow on this enriching episode as she addresses the question of someone who used to make more money than their husband but is now making less or none while working for themselves. Kimchi acknowledges that this situation is becoming more common, with women often earning more than their spouses due to their industry and ambition levels. Listeners will gain valuable insights on how to navigate and thrive in changing financial circumstances. Tune in to the Asian Women of Power podcast on your favorite podcast platform to catch this enlightening episode.
I’m Kimchi Chow. Founder & CEO of Asian Women of Power.
If you are an Asian American woman, looking for ways to speak up and stand up for yourself, so that you can feel heard, seen, and respected, then SUBSCRIBE to this Asian Women of Power YouTube channel.
In this new season of ASK Kimchi, I will give you advice on one specific challenge that most Asian American women are facing in their careers, marriage, and relationships with their loved ones.
Remember, my solutions might not work for everybody, in every situation.
So before you take drastic action like quitting your job, or getting a divorce, please consult with a professional.
If you need to reach out to me regarding your issue, please send an email to [email protected]
And here is the question for this episode:
I used to make more money than my husband. Now I'm working for myself and making less and sometimes none. I feel there's a slight power shift. What can I do to still feel like I contribute?
- from Powerless in Philadelphia
Dear Powerless in Philadelphia,
Thank you for asking this question. This situation happened more often today than 30 years ago. It’s not a surprise that more women can earn more than their spouses due to the industry that they’re in and their ambition level in their careers.
When you start your own business, you often don’t make as much at the beginning, because you are still learning in different areas that you are not familiar with, like marketing, sales, promotion, fulfillment, etc... It’s not the same as when you work for a company, you just put in 8 – 9 hours shift, and you are only responsible for one role, then you can collect a paycheck at the end of the month.
If you still want to grow your business, and if your spouse is still supporting you in having this business, then consider the following 6 ideas to help you shift your perspective about money and power.
Money is not the only way to contribute to a household.
There are many other valuable ways to contribute to a family, such as taking care of the kids, cooking, cleaning, or running errands.
Make sure you're both aware of the ways each of you contributes and appreciate each other's efforts.
What is important to you in a relationship?
Is it financial security?
Is it emotional support?
Is it shared values?
Once you know what's important to you, you can talk about how you can both contribute to those things so that no one would feel like he/she carries all the burden.
Be honest with your partner about how the change in your financial situation is affecting you. Let them know that you're feeling a bit insecure and that you need their support.
The way you talk about money can send a powerful message.
If you're constantly complaining about how much money you don't have, or how your partner is "holding you back," you're reinforcing the idea that money is a source of power.
So instead of that, you want to focus on the positive ways that money can help you achieve your goals together
It's easy to get caught up in comparing our finances to those of our friends or family. This is a recipe for disaster.
Everyone's financial situation is different.
You only want to focus on what works for you and your partner, and don't worry about what everyone else is doing.
Things change over time.
What worked for you when you were both making a lot of money may not work now.
So be willing to adjust your expectations and find new ways to contribute.
If you're struggling to see money as anything other than power, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist or a coach, or even a financial advisor.
They can help you work through your feelings and develop a healthier relationship with money.
Here are a few ways you can do to contribute to the family:
There are many ways to save money.
You could take on more of the housework like cooking, cleaning, laundry, or caring for the kids, and pay all the bills.
And you could help your spouse cut back on unnecessary expenses, like coffee & muffin at Starbucks in the morning, or an outside lunch during weekdays.
What are you both working towards?
Is it buying a house? Saving for retirement? Having kids?
Having a shared goal can help you to stay motivated and to feel like you're both contributing to something important.
This could mean helping them with their work, being their sounding board, or simply being there for them when they need you.
Remind yourself of the things that you love about your partner, and why you're together.
To sum up:
Money is a tool, not a source of power.
Money is not the only thing that matters in a relationship. If you can focus on the other ways that you contribute to each other, you'll be able to overcome the power shift and maintain a strong and healthy relationship.
Best of luck to you, my dear.
I hope you enjoy this episode, please SUBSCRIBE and share this episode with a friend.
If you have more questions about similar challenges that you have, then you can book a call with me at AsianWomenOfPower.com.
See you at our next ASK Kimchi.
Kimchi Chow, Founder & CEO of Asian Women of Power, and Host of Asian Women of Power podcast. Born and raised in Vietnam, Kimchi is the first generation of immigrants in America. With a diverse background, from high tech to service industry to investing to personal growth, Kimchi knew what it took to be successful, happy and fulfilled in life. Now, Kimchi is working as a coach to support her clients, the Asian American women, about Life, Relationships and Culture, to help her clients create the life that they love. Kimchi started a movement called “Live Life Loud” and a podcast called “Asian Women of Power” in May 2018. Today, this podcast has widely spread to over 22 countries around the world. Kimchi’s mission is to empower Asian American women to speak their truth, to stand up for their rights and to show up for what they believe in. To learn more about her programs, her podcast and her movement, please join her on her Facebook group, or connect with her through LinkedIn. Kimchi currently lives in San Jose, California with her husband.
Connect with Kimchi Chow at:
Facebook Group: www.JoinAsianWomenOfPower.com
Personal Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Kimchi.Chow